Everyday, my mom would nag at me...
My Dad would get annoyed, starts getting angry... ...
Then I get scolded again... ... ...
& this would continue going on like there's no more tomorrow... ... ... ...

There are too many unsolved questions in my mind recently, many insecurities. My life's moving at such a slow and hectic pace that it's starting to seem like a real drag. The rising of the tension of the exams, those classes i'm going to have to attend everyday till 5.30pm in the evening, those spare time i have which are going to be taken up by revising notes, those piles and piles of homeworks i'm going to have to do, those long hours of tuition i'm going to have, those little hours of sleep i'm going to have every night, etc etc. It's just way too traumatizing to even have a second thought about it. So much for wanting this to end, wanting it to be fine, praying for it to be alright, and believing for it to be just fine.

B U T

As of today, this very moment, once i click submit. I shall embark on my self - improvement plan, by studying at a constant rate, taking one step at a time, doing things in moderation, as said by the Greeks. I could do with some goals, for this last week of June holidays. Because for the past weeks of the holidays i have really been too easy on myself, not putting myself into intensive revision and studying, and that means me accomplishing nothing at all. Therefore, as for now and the four months i'm left with before the exams, my eyes are to be glued to the books i would have to study, nothing but it.

***

On a happy note, i have recently just finished watching Boys Before Flowers. Imagine me being 24/7 glued to the computer everyday, watching episodes after episodes but not getting least sick and tired of it, it's just way too addictive! It's unlike some other korean dramas whereby they had solely one hot and dashing main male cast acting inside, Boys Before Flowers had freaking four of them! Tell me how do i not get glued on to the computer everyday, mesmerized by them? Hahaha! Especially when i get to see Kim Bum in the show, it's like chancing upon an angel that just dropped down from heaven. Ohmygosh, i'm getting crazy. Hahaha!

Hot, not?

Four months for a future

Chinese O' Levels are over & i do not have that little bit of confidence to score an A for it, i really hope that i do not need to retake it

T s k

Oral and listening are my only saviour now, Go Amanda

...

When I close my tired eyes and put my body at a platonic rate,

everything in the world seems to be at ease as i just lay there softly thinking of everything.

Then flashbacks start to dance around my head, pictures of how my life was like before and now,

how splendid everything was when i do not have to make choices for myself.

In those scenes playing in my head, i remember the smile, that innocent and true smile,

the smile i thought i could add in my pretense from the past.

But as of now,

thinking of the piles of school books i have to comb through thoroughly within a few months,

or rather the upcoming of Chinese O' levels in just a few days.

The tension is rising & what more?

I got back my results for Mid-Year, Gone case.

I have been telling myself to study hard but i guess thats not enough,

my results have clearly shown that i have not been putting in enough effort.

Actions speaks louder than words & it's time i really brush up on my studies before it's really too late.

No rooms for regrets, Study Study Study

English
Chinese

Elementary Mathematics

Combined Science

Combined Humanities

Pure Literature

Food & Nutrition

2 down , 5 more to go

(In the midst of privation & devastation)

The determination to study seem to be fading, Tsk

GOANDSTUDYAMANDAGOANDSTUDYAMANDA

GO AND STUDY NOW

So i'll sit and watch the lights sparkle in the faraway city

Try and guess which one of them belongs to me

And just like how the waves will wash my name from the sand

I'm paranoid from the weight of the works i have in hand

& I swear i don't know when will this ever end?

The hardest part is not wanting to give this all up, but the risk of getting burnt just scares me away

With so many holes within, the urge of giving up just comes

Sometimes i hope that when i open my eyes in the morning i would be in a different place

A place where the colours are brighter & the air so sweet to taste

It's like i had just woke up from a nightmare that tied me down

But i smothered my way through a sleep way underground

Life is filled with tough choices & at times i just wished that i would not have to make anyone of them

Concentration / Motivation / Determination i told myself

Come on Amanda, Your going to give in your best shot this time round

& your not going to let anyone down

O' Levels, Bring it on.